I am ashamed to confess that although I have walked with the Lord since childhood, I am prone to fear. The trigger for the worse case scenarios that unfold in my imagination is the incomprehensible nature of the evil that can happen, the evil that I read about in the newspaper; the evil that sometimes strikes uncomfortably close to home.
When I shift my gaze from the Lord in order to look at the horror and grief that has happened to other of God's children, Holy Spirit flow stops. I can't see the Lord while I'm empathizing with their pain, and I then lapse to fear for myself and those I love.
When fear is motivating my prayers, the pressure to remain completely open and obedient to the Holy Spirit's guidance becomes intense. I begin to see myself as being in control of whether my own life events and those of people I love unfold for good or for evil. In this state of mind, I believe that I must remain perfectly vigilant (perfectly perfect); because if I fail to hear God's guidance then horrible things might happen.
This idea is based on a fallacy, and the fallacy is the concept that there can be an accident.
Before we are ever created, before God pulls back the bow and shoots us forth, He knows our path exactly. If He chooses to send us forward on a given trajectory, then everything along that path occurs according to His predestined plan; and at the end is glory.
Evil is an aberration, a tear rent in time and space by original sin; but it is not an accident. There is nothing random about the Lord’s control of our lives. God has incorporated into His perfect plan even those horrible events that would have destroyed us if it were not for Christ, so that the weaving of our lives is made more beautiful by those very things Satan intended for our harm. “No weapon forged against you will prevail…” (see Isaiah 54:17).
It is almost amusing that I am able to partake of God's amazing provision for my mother and our family through these five years since her diagnosis with Alzheimer's disease, but at the same time lapse to fear about the possibility of Other Horrible Things. In my perspective, Mom's Alzheimer's hasn't been terrible. We've come through because of God's provision for us, and I can say honestly that His yoke has been easy, His burden light.
I remember a friend whose three-year-old son died suddenly. I walked through this event with her in the Spirit, interceding for her through a darkness of grief when she was plagued with nightmares and tears. One day during that time I was visiting with her and she said, with a kind of amazed honesty, "You know, this hasn't really been that bad." We laughed together out of the shared understanding that the Lord had proven Himself to be sovereign over her terrible loss, and had provided for her through it.
Why, when I've partaken of the Lord's provision so freely through one of the most difficult times of my own life (Mom's Alzheimer's), do I continue to lapse to fear? "I shall fear no evil FOR THOU ART WITH ME" (see Psalm 23:4). With wonderful confidence in His own perfect power and sovereignty over the worse that the enemy can bring, God says, "Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10). This is my life verse, I have it written on the wall of my bedroom; I often awaken with those words in my mind.
I'm praying today to release my fears and to walk forward with confidence. Our God is with us! We don't have to give way to the despair of fear for the future BECAUSE HE IS WITH US!
Scripture: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" —which means, "God with us" (Matthew 1:23).
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
No Accidents
I have a small library of often read books, old friends whose content I know is safe and comforting. These include the Mitford books by Jan Karon, the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, all of James Herriot's books, and a few other volumes whose careworn covers show that they are to me as a favorite stuffed toy is to a child.
These books are scattered through the house and I usually grab one of them to keep my mind engaged while I'm drying my hair each morning. Today I read a passage in one of these books that landed as healing balm over the aching places in my careworn heart. I don't remember which book it was in, so I'll paraphrase it here: The fact is, nothing that happens to a child of God happens by accident.
I knew that. Really, I did. But seeing it in black and white helped me today.
No relationship is safe but the relationship we share with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There is no safe harbor apart from Him. Those we love will let us down, even those who love us the most and who are most dependable. They fall prey to human frailty, perhaps through becoming so involved in their own pain that they can't see ours, or through betrayal, or they get Alzheimer's disease. Other people will abandon, betray, fall prey to sin or disease...and sometimes they die and leave us all alone.
But nothing happens apart from God's will.
God loves me perfectly. He is able to use even those circumstances that seem disastrous to me to bless me. I can trust Him for myself and I can entrust those I love into His capable Hands. He won't let me down. He won't let them down. He can be depended upon to bring forth beauty and blessing from the ashes of human failure and disappointment.
Father God, bless and protect those we love today. We praise Your Name.
Scripture: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
These books are scattered through the house and I usually grab one of them to keep my mind engaged while I'm drying my hair each morning. Today I read a passage in one of these books that landed as healing balm over the aching places in my careworn heart. I don't remember which book it was in, so I'll paraphrase it here: The fact is, nothing that happens to a child of God happens by accident.
I knew that. Really, I did. But seeing it in black and white helped me today.
No relationship is safe but the relationship we share with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There is no safe harbor apart from Him. Those we love will let us down, even those who love us the most and who are most dependable. They fall prey to human frailty, perhaps through becoming so involved in their own pain that they can't see ours, or through betrayal, or they get Alzheimer's disease. Other people will abandon, betray, fall prey to sin or disease...and sometimes they die and leave us all alone.
But nothing happens apart from God's will.
God loves me perfectly. He is able to use even those circumstances that seem disastrous to me to bless me. I can trust Him for myself and I can entrust those I love into His capable Hands. He won't let me down. He won't let them down. He can be depended upon to bring forth beauty and blessing from the ashes of human failure and disappointment.
Father God, bless and protect those we love today. We praise Your Name.
Scripture: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Checking In
My life has been very busy and stressful these past few weeks as I publicize My Mom Has Alzheimer's: Inspiration and Help for Caregivers. I honestly did not understand, when I'd completed writing the book and had found a publisher, that my job was not done! Two book signings, a newspaper interview, and two radio interviews later, I am somewhat wiser and very tired. I much prefer the writing to the publicizing.
This afternoon Lloyd Hildebrand, CEO of Bridge Logos Foundation (the company that published my book) interviewed me at Blogtalk Radio. You can hear the interview by clicking the link in the side bar to the right.
Lest any of this goes to my head, my mother set me straight the other night. She called me on my cell phone (the instructions for making this call are taped to her phone) and said, "We need to get someone in here from housekeeping to clean up this mess the cat made on the floor."
Since I'm the nearest thing to housekeeping staff that Mother has, a few minutes later I was on my hands and knees scrubbing aforementioned mess.
The Lord knows how to keep us humble!
This afternoon Lloyd Hildebrand, CEO of Bridge Logos Foundation (the company that published my book) interviewed me at Blogtalk Radio. You can hear the interview by clicking the link in the side bar to the right.
Lest any of this goes to my head, my mother set me straight the other night. She called me on my cell phone (the instructions for making this call are taped to her phone) and said, "We need to get someone in here from housekeeping to clean up this mess the cat made on the floor."
Since I'm the nearest thing to housekeeping staff that Mother has, a few minutes later I was on my hands and knees scrubbing aforementioned mess.
The Lord knows how to keep us humble!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sharing the Lord's Perspective...
I love my mother. There is no one else who values her human life more, and no human being will grieve more when she dies. There is, however, someone who holds her life, her human, temporal life, more precious than I do; but He is not human, He is God.
We human beings tend to place more value on the life of someone who is a productive member of society than we attribute to that of an elderly person. Christians tend to share this perspective. When we visit a nursing home we might question the Lord; if we are headed to an eternity with God in a far better place, why linger? I was less than a year into caregiving when I began to wonder why the Lord had allowed my mother to remain only to descend into Alzheimer's disease. I dreaded and even feared my mother's death, but once I'd read about the final stages of Alzheimer's I didn't understand why the Lord would consider allowing her to stay for an extended length of time if that awful final chapter was all she had before her.
With this attitude I ran into the immovable wall of the Lord's correction. I became aware of His intense love for my mother, and I caught a glimpse of the tremendous value He places upon her life. I understood that He expected me to be His heart and His hands in ministering to Mom's physical needs, and that if I opted out of the assignment He would deal strictly with me because of my disobedience and arrogance.
The Lord sees all of us who belong to Him as being His children. Wrinkled bodies and forgetful minds don't cause Him to place less value on our precious-to-Him lives. I've become increasingly aware that the Lord is much more concerned with the giving and receiving of love than He is with any other human endeavor or accomplishment. He does not judge us by the amount of work we accomplish (or by our money making potential), but by the attitudes of our hearts.
Once, when my daughter was small, she asked me if our dog Rusty could read. I replied, "No, Honey, he can't read."
She thought this over and then asked, "Well, if you worked hard to teach him could he learn to read?"
Again, the answer was, "No." She thought this over carefully and then inquired, "But does he understand love in his heart?"
Yes, Rusty understood being loved. In fact, the canine ability to offer unconditional love is a reason often cited for owning a dog.
Now if one of God's creatures can be valued highly simply for giving and receiving love, why are we so ready to dismiss our fellow human beings when they lose the ability to pay their own way?
Loving and being loved remain to the last breath, and we who know the risen Christ are assured that love will remain into eternity with Him. I'm praying today for the elderly and infirm. I pray that those of us who still consider ourselves to be productive according to the world's standards will comprehend the precious value of a grateful smile or a squeeze of the hand when words have gone. I pray for grace and wisdom to share the Lord's perspective of my mother.
We human beings tend to place more value on the life of someone who is a productive member of society than we attribute to that of an elderly person. Christians tend to share this perspective. When we visit a nursing home we might question the Lord; if we are headed to an eternity with God in a far better place, why linger? I was less than a year into caregiving when I began to wonder why the Lord had allowed my mother to remain only to descend into Alzheimer's disease. I dreaded and even feared my mother's death, but once I'd read about the final stages of Alzheimer's I didn't understand why the Lord would consider allowing her to stay for an extended length of time if that awful final chapter was all she had before her.
With this attitude I ran into the immovable wall of the Lord's correction. I became aware of His intense love for my mother, and I caught a glimpse of the tremendous value He places upon her life. I understood that He expected me to be His heart and His hands in ministering to Mom's physical needs, and that if I opted out of the assignment He would deal strictly with me because of my disobedience and arrogance.
The Lord sees all of us who belong to Him as being His children. Wrinkled bodies and forgetful minds don't cause Him to place less value on our precious-to-Him lives. I've become increasingly aware that the Lord is much more concerned with the giving and receiving of love than He is with any other human endeavor or accomplishment. He does not judge us by the amount of work we accomplish (or by our money making potential), but by the attitudes of our hearts.
Once, when my daughter was small, she asked me if our dog Rusty could read. I replied, "No, Honey, he can't read."
She thought this over and then asked, "Well, if you worked hard to teach him could he learn to read?"
Again, the answer was, "No." She thought this over carefully and then inquired, "But does he understand love in his heart?"
Yes, Rusty understood being loved. In fact, the canine ability to offer unconditional love is a reason often cited for owning a dog.
Now if one of God's creatures can be valued highly simply for giving and receiving love, why are we so ready to dismiss our fellow human beings when they lose the ability to pay their own way?
Loving and being loved remain to the last breath, and we who know the risen Christ are assured that love will remain into eternity with Him. I'm praying today for the elderly and infirm. I pray that those of us who still consider ourselves to be productive according to the world's standards will comprehend the precious value of a grateful smile or a squeeze of the hand when words have gone. I pray for grace and wisdom to share the Lord's perspective of my mother.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Dare to be Dory
In the wake of my book's publication, I'm experiencing a bit of attention that is the nearest thing I'll see in my lifetime to "15 minutes of fame."
It's excruciatingly uncomfortable, and for reasons I can't fully analyze but are probably not noble; it makes me nervous. In an effort to change my attitude my daughter cited an illustration from the movie "Finding Nemo." Marlin and Dory are trapped in the belly of a whale. Dory's found it great fun to slide down a portion of the whale's internal anatomy and as she rushes down she yells "Wheeeeee!" Marlin, by contrast, is fruitlessly butting his head against the wall of the whale's stomach in an effort to escape. Melinda said, "Be like Dory, Mom. Just relax and enjoy this ride."
I did not point out to her that Dory quite obviously has Alzheimer's disease.
The Lord has issued warnings to me. I am to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified, and its ok if I feel fear (See 1 Corinthians 2:2-3). And, I am to guard myself against pride. The Lord's teaching on this subject is this: if I do not seek glory for myself, then I will not be ashamed. And yet He's also made clear to me that I have been set in charge of the distribution of a gift that He has provided to others through me, and that I must not turn away from this Holy charge.
The important element in any Kingdom endeavor is not the person God uses to spread the message, but the message itself. The central messages in My Mom Has Alzheimer's are twofold: 1) There is no obstacle we can encounter in life over which God is not sovereign, and 2) We must give attention to the ways in which we respond to our loved ones who become elderly and infirm. Raising emotional barriers in an attempt to protect ourselves from impending loss results in an impoverishment of our own hearts and those of our loved ones. A refusal to remain emotionally connected to those who are in the process of leaving us makes the final separation more difficult rather than easier.
This morning I wrote the following in an email to a friend:
I get so worried about the wrong things--this morning it is a little money matter that shouldn't really cause me a second thought. There's sin behind this worriment; pray that I am able to rest in the Lord's Sovereign control over my book, my children, and my life. All of those "my's" are suspect; there can be sin lurking in a "my." If all I have and am are His, then I shouldn't have much occasion to use the word "my." If I am His instrument, then I need to think carefully before I blow my own horn!
Please pray for me. Pray that I don't fall to fear of what people think, but keep the Lord firmly in my sights. Pray that I don't fall to the sin of pride. Pray that I fearlessly speak the message with which God has entrusted me on behalf of the elderly who can no longer speak for themselves, and for the caregivers who are battling grief and weariness.
Scripture: "Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should" (Colossians 4:4).
It's excruciatingly uncomfortable, and for reasons I can't fully analyze but are probably not noble; it makes me nervous. In an effort to change my attitude my daughter cited an illustration from the movie "Finding Nemo." Marlin and Dory are trapped in the belly of a whale. Dory's found it great fun to slide down a portion of the whale's internal anatomy and as she rushes down she yells "Wheeeeee!" Marlin, by contrast, is fruitlessly butting his head against the wall of the whale's stomach in an effort to escape. Melinda said, "Be like Dory, Mom. Just relax and enjoy this ride."
I did not point out to her that Dory quite obviously has Alzheimer's disease.
The Lord has issued warnings to me. I am to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified, and its ok if I feel fear (See 1 Corinthians 2:2-3). And, I am to guard myself against pride. The Lord's teaching on this subject is this: if I do not seek glory for myself, then I will not be ashamed. And yet He's also made clear to me that I have been set in charge of the distribution of a gift that He has provided to others through me, and that I must not turn away from this Holy charge.
The important element in any Kingdom endeavor is not the person God uses to spread the message, but the message itself. The central messages in My Mom Has Alzheimer's are twofold: 1) There is no obstacle we can encounter in life over which God is not sovereign, and 2) We must give attention to the ways in which we respond to our loved ones who become elderly and infirm. Raising emotional barriers in an attempt to protect ourselves from impending loss results in an impoverishment of our own hearts and those of our loved ones. A refusal to remain emotionally connected to those who are in the process of leaving us makes the final separation more difficult rather than easier.
This morning I wrote the following in an email to a friend:
I get so worried about the wrong things--this morning it is a little money matter that shouldn't really cause me a second thought. There's sin behind this worriment; pray that I am able to rest in the Lord's Sovereign control over my book, my children, and my life. All of those "my's" are suspect; there can be sin lurking in a "my." If all I have and am are His, then I shouldn't have much occasion to use the word "my." If I am His instrument, then I need to think carefully before I blow my own horn!
Please pray for me. Pray that I don't fall to fear of what people think, but keep the Lord firmly in my sights. Pray that I don't fall to the sin of pride. Pray that I fearlessly speak the message with which God has entrusted me on behalf of the elderly who can no longer speak for themselves, and for the caregivers who are battling grief and weariness.
Scripture: "Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should" (Colossians 4:4).
Monday, September 7, 2009
Powerpoint and Links for My Mom Has Alzheimer's...
I've worked hard today preparing a Powerpoint presentation for my book, My Mom Has Alzheimer's: Inspiration and Help for Caregivers. I'll use the presentation to accompany book talks as soon as the book is released, which will probably be toward the end of this month. Please pray for me, that I will have courage to take hold of that for which Christ has taken hold of me (see Philippians 3:12).
I've uploaded the Powerpoint further down in this post. Advance the slides manually, by clicking on the right arrow. The notes for the slides did not come through, and there are some formatting errors that occurred when the files were uploaded, but you can get a feeling for the presentation and the subject matter of the book by scrolling through the slides. The book can be pre-ordered now at Amazon.com. When my copies arrive I'll be selling personalized, signed copies at my web site. Thank you for joining your prayers with mine for the book to find its way into the hands of those who can benefit from the guidance God has so graciously provided to Mom and me.
I've uploaded the Powerpoint further down in this post. Advance the slides manually, by clicking on the right arrow. The notes for the slides did not come through, and there are some formatting errors that occurred when the files were uploaded, but you can get a feeling for the presentation and the subject matter of the book by scrolling through the slides. The book can be pre-ordered now at Amazon.com. When my copies arrive I'll be selling personalized, signed copies at my web site. Thank you for joining your prayers with mine for the book to find its way into the hands of those who can benefit from the guidance God has so graciously provided to Mom and me.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Making the Bitter Sweet
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. [a]
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
Psalm 84:5-7
I awoke this morning with this Scripture in my mind. I remembered that the word "Baca" means bitter, and this in turn brought to mind a quote from my book for caregivers, due to be published by Bridge-Logos next month:
I felt an absolute dread of my mother's demise, not just over the fact that she would at some point die; but I was afraid of the loss of function that might happen before that time. The ingredients of the cocktail of grief of which I had unwillingly partaken included terrible pity and love for my mother, anger, resentment, guilt, and fear of the future. This draught was complex and it was bitter. It was as though I didn't want to analyze the components of my pain, but I had no choice about dealing with the results of having drunk such a bitter brew. I didn't feel so good!
Those of us who are Christians live our lives here on earth with our hearts "set on pilgrimage" (See Psalm 84:5, above). We are on a journey home, and our life experiences are like scenery on that journey. We will face difficulties and there will be sorrows, but the bitterness of those experiences is made bearable by the hope we hold in our hearts. Praise can flow in the midst of sorrow because he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3).
The art of living a Godly life has to do with making the bitter valley a place of refreshment. That’s why things like cleaning out drawers and doing laundry and preparing meals (or taking care of an Alzheimer patient) can be Godly pursuits.
The passage from Psalms doesn’t say that we simply provide little oases of refreshment here in this bitter valley, but that we transform the bitterness into sweetness as we pass through. The sweetness travels with us, emanates from us; and like the Israelites sitting safe and free from plagues while the Egyptians across town suffered affliction, we have been enabled to stay free from the corrupting and embittering influences of the world by the power of the Holy Spirit within us.
Lord show me today how to abide in Your presence so that my words and actions become a sweetening agent for my mother, my family, and myself; an antidote for the bitterness of coping with Alzheimer's disease .
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. [a]
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
Psalm 84:5-7
I awoke this morning with this Scripture in my mind. I remembered that the word "Baca" means bitter, and this in turn brought to mind a quote from my book for caregivers, due to be published by Bridge-Logos next month:
I felt an absolute dread of my mother's demise, not just over the fact that she would at some point die; but I was afraid of the loss of function that might happen before that time. The ingredients of the cocktail of grief of which I had unwillingly partaken included terrible pity and love for my mother, anger, resentment, guilt, and fear of the future. This draught was complex and it was bitter. It was as though I didn't want to analyze the components of my pain, but I had no choice about dealing with the results of having drunk such a bitter brew. I didn't feel so good!
Those of us who are Christians live our lives here on earth with our hearts "set on pilgrimage" (See Psalm 84:5, above). We are on a journey home, and our life experiences are like scenery on that journey. We will face difficulties and there will be sorrows, but the bitterness of those experiences is made bearable by the hope we hold in our hearts. Praise can flow in the midst of sorrow because he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3).
The art of living a Godly life has to do with making the bitter valley a place of refreshment. That’s why things like cleaning out drawers and doing laundry and preparing meals (or taking care of an Alzheimer patient) can be Godly pursuits.
The passage from Psalms doesn’t say that we simply provide little oases of refreshment here in this bitter valley, but that we transform the bitterness into sweetness as we pass through. The sweetness travels with us, emanates from us; and like the Israelites sitting safe and free from plagues while the Egyptians across town suffered affliction, we have been enabled to stay free from the corrupting and embittering influences of the world by the power of the Holy Spirit within us.
Lord show me today how to abide in Your presence so that my words and actions become a sweetening agent for my mother, my family, and myself; an antidote for the bitterness of coping with Alzheimer's disease .
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